Beckis Cooper Acting

Auditioning can be terrifying. Auditioning can be demoralising. Auditioning can be WONDERFUL.

If I had a pound for every failed audition I have had, I would be a very wealthy woman. I have been rejected from films and television, theatre shows and countless other opportunities. I’ve been told I am ‘not the right fit’, ‘not strong enough’ and ‘too strong’. Worst of all is the bland and soulless line: ‘we’re looking to go in another direction on this occasion.’ I love the even vague suggestion that there might be another occasion – for this exact part in this exact production by this exact director. But I realise now – that not a single one of them was wasted.

I’m sure I did not feel that way at the time. All the expectation and adrenaline that goes into each one feels like a tremendous labour of love. You plan, you prepare, you learn lines. You rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Add to the mix the sheer adrenaline, fear, excitement and, in my case, the chaos of getting lost along the way, and your body and mind is already a witches’ brew of potent emotions and energy when you walk into the room.

Then there’s the thing itself. You go in and you’re so in the moment – more ‘in the moment’ than you have ever allowed yourself to be before. It happens. You may get a fleeting thought of ‘this is going well’ or ‘oh, this isn’t going my way at all’! But experience tells you to instantly ignore such fleeting thoughts and you push them aside instantly as you return to just being and doing, the two most important parts to any live performance. You finish and breathe. You relax. The panel smile, or don’t. There might be feedback or there might be re-direction. There might be praise. There might be nothing.

You leave and when you get the rejection or, mostly in this industry, nothing at all, you simply accept that it will not happen this time. You then come to negatively asses what happened in the room – how was I ? What more could I have done ? I have failed yet again. It feels horrendous. You think there and then: ‘this has not been a success.’

However.

From every single failure I have managed to gain something, even though it may not be what I thought I was getting. Sometimes I have become so attached to the idea of landing a particular role I’ve even started to plan in my head – ‘that date I’ll be free’ or ‘this costume might be nice.’ But, of course, this is madness personified. Supposing I am lucky enough to land the job anyway, none of those decisions will even be mine to make. Things change second to second and moment to moment in the industry and so much is truly out of your control. Surely it would be more than enough to put anyone off.

However.

From failure to actually land a part, you can discover much if you’re willing to seriously reflect. You might have failed to get what you thought you wanted but, in turn, be rewarded with something far greater for the next chapter in your story as an artist.

One of my most disappointing was an audition for a very high profile television show. I thought I had done everything. I had lived and breathed my preparation, I had cancelled other things to make room for it, I had SEEN myself in that part. I was devastated when the part went to someone else. But I got over it. I look back now and realise I have forgotten some of the wonderful feedback I did get from the very well-known casting director. Although he praised my voice and manner, attitude and research, he also pointed out I was giving a more comedic audition than the serious one he had in mind. That should have been my biggest hint but was probably too full of willful pride to accept it at the time.. My performance was not on point for what was required: far too big and theatrical for the small screen. So I returned to drama school and studied screen acting. I accept now I had much more to learn and that I had allowed attachment to landing the role take over from the craft itself – a big danger for any actor.

Going back even further drama school auditions will teach you what training is like and whether you feel instinctively you could see yourself there or not. Sometimes we are so focused on outcome we forget there is joy in the journey and wisdom in the process. We are so sure we think we know what we want when you may just gain a little surprise you can use in the future. I know this to be true for me.

A failed film audition took me to an exciting new city for the first time. A failed audition for a tour to Ireland re-ignited my interest in the country itself. A failed audition for a Jane Austen tour ended up inspiring me to write my own play.

Someone once said ‘auditioning IS the job’ and I have now started to see auditions as an adventure. They are a gift. Treasure them.

turning failure into success

Looking back at past auditions that didn’t work can be a profound opportunity for your career.